Let me start this post by saying, I get very deep in this post and religious, if you feel compelled please keep reading, if not I hope you enjoy the pictures I put up after.
With all this talk about the End of the World and when Christ is to come again I feel as though I should write down some of my feelings on this subject. I was going to write this in my private journal but felt compelled to share it here. I haven't blogged in well over a year and most of my blogs where about Sydnee. This one, however is not.
Many years ago I was NOT where I am now with church and my relationship with my Savior and God. I was a bit of a partier and didn't think much about my eternal salvation. I enjoyed going out and drinking and smoking and being very social. I would stay out late more nights than not, I didn't go to church because I didn't like the way others looked at me or spoke to me, when in reality I didn't like the person I had become and therefore felt uncomfortable in the house of the Lord. During this time of my life I had a recurring dream that at the time haunted me. I had only been to the Temple to do baptisms for the dead and it had been years since I was worthy enough to do that. The dream went like this..... I was walking down a wide road with thousands of others, my dad was next to me holding my hand. There were no cars only people, everywhere, some where walking in the same direction as we were and some were going in circles, others were on the side of this road reaching out for help, pleading for us to come near them. As I looked at these others on the side of the road I noticed that they could not move from their spots, their feet were melted into the asphalt. I wondered why they were stuck and why I couldn't help them. I looked at my dad and he simply said "We must press on". I looked to see what we were going towards and in the center of this very winding road was the Salt Lake Temple. It stood above the ground and everything else but this road seemed to be vanishing. The crowd was thinning as we got closer to the Temple, soon those on the side were more persistent, promising salvation from the End. Reaching and grabbing at us who walked by. Many were persuaded by them and then become stuck themselves. This whole time my dad held tight to my hand and kept pulling me forward. When we finally made it to the Temple steps he turned and said "I have helped you get this far, the rest you have to do on your own. I have to go now, but I will meet you on the other side." At this point there were two lines, one for women and one for men. I watched my dad go up those stairs and into the Temple. I walked myself up to the stairs and when I tried to step up that first step I realized my feet had become stuck to the ground. I couldn't move. I watched as others went before me. I had made it to the steps of the Temple, to the promise of salvation and I couldn't obtain it.
You would think that after having this dream more than three times I would have changed my life right then and there but I didn't. I had many trials I had to go through before I made that change in my life. I have now gotten past those obstacles that were preventing me from the Temple. My parents did walk me to the steps of the Temple by their example and by never giving up on me and my progression. I share this story first because it helped me to understand this new recurring dream I have.
I am older, not much, but I know I am because Sydnee is a teenager. I am very ill and end up dying, only I don't realize I have died. I am walking among my family, all of them, mom, dad, Charlie, Sydnee and my siblings, but others are around too, that have past on already, my aunt Gaylene, my Grandparents. I don't understand why I can see them all at the same time. I try to say something to Sydnee and she doesn't respond, so I try to tell Charlie to get Sydnee's attention but he doesn't seem to hear me either. My aunt (whom I have never met in life) comes and wraps her arms around me and tells me that I had died. They can't see me or hear me. She tells me that I am in what is called "waiting" that all those who have passed on are here waiting for Christ to come again just as those living are waiting. But that as spirits we are still able to be among the living to help and guide in the lives of those we love. She tells me of the times in my life that she was there to help me, that she was my guardian angel and now I can be one for my daughter and husband but that they already have many angels looking out for them. That everyone living has many who watch over them and try to help them get back to this "waiting" room. I was dead yet I walked the same earth as I did when I was living. I saw the same things, the evil and the good. I was still able to be near those I had left behind, only they couldn't see me.
I am comforted by this dream, because whether or not that is how it is, I know I have angels watching over me. If they walk beside me, or watch from afar, I know they are there. Not one of us on earth truly now when Christ will come again but most of us know He will. I have learned from these dreams that we must always be ready. In my Relief Society meeting this last week the teacher shared a story, her daughter had been told that Pres. Monson said "to gather your families for this is the end." Which he never did, however, how often are we urged to get our lives and houses in order? The Prophets have said for many years that we should always have our homes in order with the Lord, so that we are always prepared.
I don't know when Christ will come, I don't know if I will still be living when He comes, but I do know that He WILL come again and I need to make sure my house is in order and that we all end up on the other side together.
